On “Twin Flame Trauma” and How to Heal It

Alicen Grey
5 min readDec 25, 2020

Hello lovelings! Please be aware that due to censorship by Medium.com, I will be writing on my personal platform https://alicengrey.substack.com/ from now on. All my essays, including this one, are now available there.

On the New Age scene, “twin flame” relationships are all the rage. YouTube is overflowing with guided meditations for attracting one, testimonies and storytimes by people who’ve had them, and bulleted powerpoint presentations of Signs You’ve Met Your Twin Flame. Alongside all this positive propaganda, you’ll also find dire warnings: twin flame relationships almost always end in disaster. Be careful.

But for the un/lucky lovebirds who fall (hard) into these relationships, these warnings fall on deaf ears. Meeting one’s twin is like a homecoming. How could “home” be anything other than good?

To the pair, it seems like a match made in heaven: Right from their first meeting — which usually happens under unbelievably synchronistic circumstances — they can’t shake the eerie feeling that they already know each other, though they’ve never met before. They begin to see everything as confirmation of this inexplicable knowing: they share the same ridiculously specific interests, right down to favorite brands of tea and obscure songs; they have the same peculiar mannerisms, thought patterns and way of speaking; sometimes even their birthday is in the same week, if not on the same day. Their feeling that they already know each other may morph into a sense that they *are* each other, just in different bodies. And in a sense, they are — which I’ll explain later.

The rush of being understood to this degree is exhilarating. Outside observers can’t seem to understand what these two lunatics see in each other, exactly — but they’re in their own little world anyway, oblivious to such shallow judgments. They can’t get enough of each other, or stay away from each other, or keep their hands off each other. Finally! The search is over!

Or so they think. But soon, before they can make sense of it, they find themselves deeply confused — and confused *about* the confusion. The smallest challenges become immense obstacles. Tiny issues become tsunamic fights. They can’t seem to stop fighting, or crying, or getting triggered senseless. This inevitably morphs into…